oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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