Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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