After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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