I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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