And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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