Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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