girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
