after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
