Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
