At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
