If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i will never coherently bang her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
