omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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