so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
