tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
