why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
