how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
