FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
