Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
