Joe is yelling at the trees again.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
