I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
