Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
