I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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