what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
