I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
