Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
