Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
