I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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