So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
