If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
