so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
