How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
