Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
