Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
