Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
