he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
