I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
