you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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