Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
