If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
