so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
