Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
