Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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