I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mom said you looked used
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
