i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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