Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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