Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
