Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
