READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
