You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
