she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
