they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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