if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
